Do you have strong, empowering boundaries or are you easily swayed by other people’s needs and agendas? Boundaries are the personal rules or limits we make (or not) with the world and people in it. This episode takes a dive into the ways we can create and uphold embodied boundaries, as we move through the world.
Being Able to Make a Decision – whether transactional or completely transformational depends on the boundaries you have in place inside and around you.
Boundaries are the personal rules or limits we make (or not) with the world and people in it. They determine how we interact with people and situations, and how we respond (or not) if someone crosses or disrespects those rules or limits.
We often think of boundaries as fences or lines drawn in the sand. In-fact they are much more than that. Boundaries are created through all dimensions of your being – from the energetic resonance they hold, to the emotions they invoke, to the mental and physical actions you take to uphold them.
There are three types of boundaries:
- Healthy boundaries. Created with your heart and essence, they nourish you creating a sense of personal fulfilment and integrity.
- Unhealthy boundaries. Often established from previous wounding or negative experiences they are draining, confusing, dishonouring and fuel a loss of identity.
- No boundaries. Being aware of having no boundaries is just as important as being aware of healthy or unhealthy ones, because with no boundaries you often find yourself lacking direction or becoming caught up in other people’s direction/identity.
Every decision you make throughout your day, depends on your boundaries and how adept you are at a) knowing them, and b) upholding them.
If you don’t know what you stand for, you won’t know what to say yes or no to and will consequently find it difficult to move forward in an intentional manner. You’re far more likely to dishonour yourself by agreeing to things you don’t want to do – from staying late at work, to having sex when your body doesn’t want to. This dishonouring causes shame, which is stored in your body as frozen tension and leads to frustration, resentment, bitterness or numbness.
Creating and upholding healthy boundaries is a skill, and like any skill, it must be practiced and honed. Many women find themselves reaching midlife with defensive boundaries that have been created from years of self-protection. i.e. something happened that upsets you, you vow it will never happen again and erect a wall that cannot come down, even if you want it to. Alternatively, our boundaries are weak and impressionable from years of self-sacrifice and capitulation. Social memes teach us that the more we give away, the more ‘worthy’ we are as women, so we say yes to things we don’t have energy for relinquishing our time, resources and life force to others, and then become scared to say no in case the ‘good girl’ or ‘superwoman’ mask dares to slip.
So, how can we start creating healthy boundaries that ripple out of us from our hearts and permeate the world around us? How can we uphold and maintain these boundaries without fear or judgement or rejection?
As always, an embodied woman must get down to the heart of the matter, for this is where is all starts.
Boundaries must start by being found and this is where you must decide what you stand for and what you are available for. What are YOUR values, what is YOUR priority, if you were to leave the world today what would you have wanted to accomplish? What legacy do you want to leave?
Secondly you must feel this boundary in your body and know without doubt that it’s fuelled from within. You must fully own and claim it. This will likely cause feelings of discomfort and unease as frozen tension around past events, emotions and experiences is brought forth for release.
Once you’ve fully embodied and integrated your boundary you need to make a decision about what actions you need to take to establish and uphold your new heart-led boundary. What actions do you need to take, what support do you need to start cementing this boundary?
Finally, it is likely your new boundary will create some sort of ripple effect. This may be a beautiful, nourishing ripple or it may be a ripple that creates tension, loss or offense. How are you going to deal with this? Are you prepared to ride the repercussions so that you can continue to honour your boundaries?
Creating and upholding healthy boundaries is a skill that takes time, dedication and negotiation. It is rarely without complexity. However, it is absolutely essential to any midlife woman who wishes to start creating life on her own terms. Who is determined to start making decisions (big and small) that honour her true essence, and the direction that she wishes the rest of her life to take?
If you’re ready to begin a coaching pathway designed to help you reign in life and love and live as your most adventurous self, head to my calendar to book a free discovery session.