Loving Yourself First

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Through my personal journey of embodiment, I’ve come to learn that how you relate to the world, sets the tone for how the world relates to you. Simply put, if you treat yourself as second best, then the world will mirror that back to you in the way that other people treat you. This episode explores this in more detail whilst offering embodied tips on how to start loving yourself first so that you can receive what you desire.




Transcript

At the height of my dis-embodiment, frustration and resentment I was constantly putting the needs of others before my own.  I was terrible at asking for help, desperate to please and/or impress others with my superwoman capabilities of multitasking, and ignored my own needs until everyone else was fed, watered, the house was clean and tidy, my work was done, and I was organised for the next day.  Needless to say, my needs never got met.   

I was also very guilty of expecting other people to look after my happiness.  I expected my husband to be a psychic wonder, knowing what I wanted him to do and how I wanted him to help, without ever verbally communicating it to him.  When he didn’t do, the thing that he didn’t know I wanted him to do, and asked me what was wrong, I uttered those classic dis-embodied words ‘nothing’s wrong’ and flounced out the room!

If you are laughing right now, I hope it’s because you are relating in some way!

Through my personal journey of embodiment, I’ve come to learn that how you relate to the world, sets the tone for how the world relates to you. Simply put, if you treat yourself as second best then the world will mirror that back to you in the way that other people treat you! 

Consequentially, it makes sense that if you want to be treated better, with more consideration, care, passion and love, then this is the way you need to start treating yourself.  Create the alchemy in your own body first and the energy will emit and be returned to you tenfold.

So how can we transition from a dis-embodied woman to a fully embodied woman who takes complete ownership over fulfilling her desires?  Unfortunately, the full exploration and manifestation of this transition takes much longer than I have in this video, but here are a few simple steps to help you start switching on your capacity to self-please.

  1. Take time out of your day to do something you enjoy. Sounds simple, but it’s usually the simple things we choose to ignore.  Soak in the bath at lunchtime – practically heretic!  Take yourself out for a coffee instead of waiting for an invite.  Drop the iron and pick up the phone to your best friend.  Sit with a coffee and Suduko.  Book yourself in for a monthly treatment or buy yourself flowers every week.  Whatever gives you those moments of joy and bliss, do them!  
  2. Move every day.  The simplest form of movement is playing a song every day and moving to it in the way your body wants to.  You can dance, sway, head bang, rock out, salsa, tango or tap dance!  This is a beautiful way of connecting in with how you are feeling, allowing yourself some expressive release, and can also be genuinely funny and playful.   
  3.  Throughout the day ask yourself ‘does this feel good to me?’ and use this as a compass to help you make decisions. I know we can’t be doing the things we love 100% of the time, but if you are a victim of saying yes to everything, then checking in with the ‘does this feel good to me’ question will help you start setting boundaries of what you do and where you spend your time.
  4. Be more vulnerable – this one was REALLY difficult for me as I was so conditioned by years of thinking that I had to have my shit together, that emotion was weakness, that I had to be the best at everything. What I’ve since discovered is that being more vulnerable, real and open to genuine communication and interaction, helps you attract and receive the help, love, reassurance and attention you need and deserve from others.
  5. Learn to lean into and explore your feminine energy.  We’re all created with a combination of feminine and masculine energy that exists within our bodies regardless of our sex, gender or sexual identity.  In homeostasis, we flow smoothly between the two states, finding a dynamic balance between the feminine and the masculine.  These energies will exist as two aspects of one whole.  Women are not only feminine and men only masculine.  Every individual contains both, in a state contraction and expansion, depending on how the individual wishes to feel and spend their time.

The masculine energy focuses on moving energy up and forwards, out of the body and into the world.  It tends to be associated with traits such as drive, focus, results, competition, action logic and structure.  In contrast feminine energy tends towards collaboration, nurture, community, creativity, pleasure, radiance and love. 

If we get stuck in or cultivate too much masculine energy (easily done in the demanding, action orientated world in which we live), we can end up stressed, anxious, stagnant, and angry. By focusing on cultivating and expressing more of our feminine energy, homeostatis is restored allowing you to flow between the action, doing demands of live, and the rest, nurture, go slow required to recalibrate, recharge and come home to yourself and your desires.

There is a wilderness or wild nature in all women that is crying to be set free and can only be done so in the way we start treating ourselves.  When we treat ourselves in the way that we deserve to be treated (and by the way, ALL of you deserve to be treated like queens) then we increase our sense of worth, create a more solid conviction about why we are here, and begin to generate a magnetic confidence that inspires others. 

Putting your own needs first is far from selfish, it is an act of radical self-love, which then sets an example for how others can love themselves.  This in turn may shape the way a family see themselves and each other.  When more families exist in radical selflove and acceptance, it inspires communities, towns, cities and countries. Then perhaps when we are strong enough as a whole, to believe in ourselves and our power – perhaps then, we can start collectively changing the world.

If you’re ready to begin a coaching pathway designed to help you reign in life and love and live as your most adventurous self, head to my calendar to book a free discovery session.  

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I help midlife women make bold, body based decisions so they can move forward with confidence, clarity and ease.

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