Owning Your Voice Starts Here
Have you ever wondered why you say yes when you want to say no? A common and sometimes very frustrating experience amongst women. I know because this was me!
Somatic Embodiment Coaching can help you figure it out!
Introducing your Social Nervous System
Firstly, there’s no judgment here because this response is rooted deep in your social nervous system. A system that often acts unconsciously on your behalf.
Your social nervous system teaches you how to read facial cues, empathise, talk, play and be a social being. It also holds your beliefs around ‘fitting in’ (or not) and how you need to act or behave in order to get your needs met.
All of this is hardwired into your body during infancy. In particular through the facial expressions and responsiveness of your mother (which, over time, you mirror as an example of how to relate and interact with the world).
So, on one hand your social nervous system is absolutely needed for connection and a sense of belonging in society.
On the other, it can cause you to be prone to ‘fitting in’ behaviours. Behaviours like changing your perspective and minimising your opinions, aspirations and intelligence. Essentially causing you to shrink yourself in order to keep the peace or be accepted.
Why else do I say yes when I mean no?
Essentially your responses are controlled by your desire to feel safe. These responses are repeated over and over until they become unconscious default behaviours.
If you find yourself in a situation where your social nervous system feels under threat. For example at risk of losing connection, being rejected, or isolated – the common default behaviours you might display could fall into two categories.
Fitting in is a way of hiding or minimising yourself. You say things to agree with the person your nervous system feels threatened by, hiding your true opinions, and over riding your gut instinct.
Fawning is when you develop people pleasing behaviours that keep you out of ‘trouble’. Perhaps finding yourself being overly nice, apologising all the time or bending over backwards to help someone.
Either way you merge with the wishes, needs and desires of others in order to stay safe and maintain a sense of belonging.
Mixed in with these behaviours can also be a ton of shame and blame. Perhaps when a particular situation is over you reflect back and wonder, why didn’t I speak up? or why did I say yes when I wanted to say no?
This is why it’s so important to understand what goes on underneath the level of your rational mind. You might think one thing, but if your nervous system is under threat, your default survival behaviours will run the show!
How can I start to change this?
Firstly, by giving yourself grace for the organic intelligence in your body that wants to keep you safe.
Secondly, by becoming aware of your current default responses, which you can then begin to unpick and unravel before creating responses that feel more aligned.
New nervous system responses that enable you to confidently say yes when you mean yes, and no when you mean no.
My work as a Somatic Embodiment Coach brings awareness to default nervous system behaviours. It also creates new levels of safety in your body, so that you can start responding in ways that express your true, vibrant, authentic self.
